It’s bad enough that the tabloids come up with half a dozen deliberate “Weiner” puns every day. Do we need CNN to add to it? I assume this “Weiner Faces Mounting Pressure” headline was not intended to be funny.

Today’s Starbucks Alter Ego comes from Eliot. He says he’s received so many cups with alternate spellings of his name that he finally broke down and bought a customized Starbucks card with his name and preferred drink printed on the front. That’s why he was so surprised to hear the barista call out, “I’ve got a Grande Soy Chai for Denzel!”

Today’s Starbucks Alter Ego comes from Dean. He writes: I’ve gotten ‘Din’, ‘Dene’, ‘Dien’, etc., but this is definitely the most interesting spelling of Dean I’ve encountered so far. Needless to say, it was a bit awkward walking around the office holding a Starbucks cup labeled ‘Beer.’” We can imagine.

There’s more proof this morning that bike thieves will stop at nothing—not even a tree. A surveillance camera video, posted on YouTube, shows a group of men in Brooklyn stealing a bike by chopping down the entire tree to which it was chained. And after going to all that trouble and ruining the tree, they left without the bike.

Today’s Starbucks Alter Ego comes from a woman named Tracy. She writes: “Every day when I go to the Starbucks on Broadway and 37th. They ask my name, I respond with ‘Tracy’ [and] this is what I get in return, every single time…..like seriously, why would that be my name!?” We agree. It would be crazy it that was her name.

Start with a brilliant Daily Show fake press conference. Add an unintended (and thankfully not too serious) injury.

Today’s Starbucks Alter Ego comes from Tori, via her friend Cary. She says both women were baffled when the barista at their San Francisco hotel decided “Tori” must be spelled with two ls.

Ryan Wagner and Mike O’Hara have what most would consider a dream job. Their daily duties include sitting on the couch, drinking beer and watching 2,430 baseball games. As denizens of the MLB “fan cave,” the duo has understandably fallen behind on current events. So last week I stopped by to fill them in. VIDEO

Today’s Starbucks Alter Ego comes from Claude and his wife Katy. They confirmed on a recent vacation to Madrid that cup misspellings are not solely the purview of baristas at Starbucks’ North American locations.